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Whats is Emotional blackmail?

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Emotional blackmail is a concept introduced by psychologist Susan Forward. It refers to using fear, obligation, and guilt to control others in intimate relationships such as in the workplace, parent-child relationships, marriage, romantic relationships, and friendships. Emotional blackmailer manipulates the victim into experiencing negative emotions such as frustration, guilt, and fear. The victim would feel trapped, low in self-worth, and thus unable to see the reality of the situation, leading to self-doubt and ultimately complying with the blackmailer’s demands.

There are six key characteristics of emotional blackmail:
1. Demand: The emotional blackmailer presents a clear request or demand to the victim.

2. Resistance: The victim feels uncomfortable or unable to accept the demand and attempts to refuse or resist it.

3. Pressure: In response to the victim’s resistance, the blackmailer further emphasizes their demand and adds pressure.

4. Threats: If the pressure does not lead to acceptance, the blackmailer uses the victim’s emotions to directly or indirectly threaten them into complying with their demand.

5. Compliance: To avoid the negative consequences the blackmailer threatens, the victim often gradually gives in and complies with their demands.

6. Repetition: Once the victim complies, this behavior can become a recurring pattern, creating a vicious cycle of emotional blackmail.

Tips for avoiding emotional blackmail:
When you suspect that you may be experiencing emotional blackmail, you can use the following SOS strategy to respond:

1. Stop: When engaging in emotional blackmail, it is important not to immediately respond to the blackmailer’s demands. Take a moment to pause and delay, giving yourself time and space to think. If necessary, you can leave the venue to avoid being influenced by the blackmailer’s emotional fluctuations.

2. Observe: Once you can stop and stay away from the pressure, try to observe the situation from an outsider’s perspective. Through reflection, observe the blackmailer’s intentions, demands, and methods, and be aware of your thoughts and feelings. For example, pay attention to the words or actions used by the blackmailer that make you feel afraid, guilty, or compelled to comply.

3. Strategize: After reflecting, you can develop strategies to respond to the blackmailer, and practice until you can clearly and firmly express your decisions to the blackmailer. Strategies such as non-defensive communication can present boundaries and avoid triggering the blackmailer’s emotions. For example, you could say, “I understand you’re angry, but when you treat me like this, I feel really hurt…”

Article: Should schools discuss the topic of suicide with students?

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In recent years, the issue of suicide among teenagers has been drawing public attention. People are concerning whether or not school should prevent students from having suicidal thoughts by education. There are opinions that bring up the topic of suicide will cause negative impact on students. Thus, some people think that reporting suicide cases should be eliminated to prevent teenagers from imitating.

So, should schools discuss the topic of suicide with their students? In fact, it is unnecessary to focus too much on the topic of suicide. Instead, putting more focus on the mental health condition of students is more crucial.

There are many different reasons behind each suicide case, but we should let students know that no matter what the reasons are, suicide is never an option to solve their problems. Also, teachers should pay attention to their conversations with students, do not romanticise any suicidal behaviour.

Paying attention to the mental health condition of students is essential. Teachers should be aware of their students’ emotional needs and provide timely assistance. Such as providing some stress relief methods and information about the emotional support hotlines. Facing emotional needs at an early stage can reduce the accumulation of negative emotions and hence avoid some extreme thoughts.

Teachers should be alert if they find students with the following conditions:

– Intention of self-injury;
– Unexplained cuts on their body;
– Depressions;
– Loss of appetite;
– Insomnia;
– Other anxiety symptoms.

Academic performance is important. At the same time, teachers should also pay attention to the mental health condition of students, encourage students to seek help if they are suffering from emotional problems. Detecting and facing mental problems earlier, more tragedies can be avoided.

The greater pressure from the the greater expectations?

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In Chinese society, parents always expect their children to become the “dragons and phoenixes” among all people of the same age . This represents the traditional family concept – parents wish for the success of their child. However, what is the definition of success? Being a student nowadays is often more stressful than in the past. After attending classes for a whole day, need to immediately go to the tutoring center for extra learning; After returning home, nervous parents immediately ask about their performance in extracurricular activities; In senior form, when the child still do not have any idea about the elective subjects they would like to take, parents may clamor to ask their kid to choose a subject that could link to a stable and successful career path.
Yet, will the expectations given by parents be different from their child’s actual preference, causing the expectations to become a kind of pressure or even a burden to the child? Facing all kinds of expectations from the surroundings, even superheroes need to take a breather! So how should we face parents’ high expectations and reduce our pressure? Here are some tips!

1. Learn to communicate with parents
The expectations of parents often come from their care and concern for their child. They hope for a better future for their child, thus might set certain standards subconsciously. With different social positions and point of views, parents may not fully understand what their child is thinking. Therefore, we can take the initiative to share our feelings with our parents, express our feelings of stress and anxiety. If you are worried about not being able to express your feelings accurately, you might as well express yourself in words or pictures. Through communicating with each other calmly, let your parents better understand your current situation and feelings, adjust their expectations appropriately.

2. Know yourself and plan your direction
Over-concerning parents’ thoughts and expectations may cause us to rely on their decisions to make our choices, and ignore our own abilities or interests. As a result, choosing an inappropriate path due to the expectations of others. As a student, you can try to objectively evaluate your capabilities, find your own strengths, then think about future direction. At the same time, it would be better to make the plan as detailed as you can. Make it concrete so that you can have clearer goals and work effectively. It allows your parents to see how your decisions are under careful consideration, and understand that you also have your own thoughts, so as to better relate to you.

3. Seek advice from others
Teachers, social workers, or classmates could be a great support when you share your concern with them. Try to listen to their pertinent opinions and suggestions, make a better balance between parents’ expectations and self-expectations. Remember you are not alone, let people around to share the burden together with you.

The differences between the expectations of parents and children are not terrible. The key lies in whether everyone can communicate and coordinate appropriately. Facing the expectations of others, it is important to adjust your mentality appropriately, find a suitable way to relax and express your emotions.

9 Foods That Bring Joy!

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9 Foods That Bring Joy!

Translated from https://npower.heho.com.tw/archives/273720

As the saying goes, “food is the heaven for the people.” No matter how bad the mood, having good food can uplift the spirits. Here are some foods that, when consumed, contribute to a happier state of mind. Consider these as a reference for maintaining a healthy and joyful diet!

  1. Whole Grains

Whole grains, rich in niacin, vitamin B6, and magnesium, aid in serotonin production. Insulin, a hormone that lowers blood sugar and promotes the synthesis of the happy hormone “serotonin,” is also a helper in this process.

  1. Nuts

Nuts are like a treasure trove of nutrients, containing amino acids that boost serotonin and vitamin E, an antioxidant that protects the cardiovascular system. Walnuts provide anti-inflammatory Omega-3, black sesame offers calcium for relaxation and stress relief, and pumpkin seeds add magnesium for a positive mood.

  1. Eggs

Eggs, an excellent source of protein, contain “tryptophan,” a precursor to serotonin synthesis, and “tyrosine,” a raw material for dopamine. Egg yolks are rich in nutrients such as vitamin A, D, E, and lecithin, providing a comprehensive nutritional package. Vitamin D, found in egg yolks, helps regulate serotonin balance, calming anxious emotions.

  1. Oily Fish

Fatty fish like salmon, mackerel, and sardines are not only serotonin-rich but also excellent sources of Omega-3 fatty acids, which fight inflammation and regulate blood lipids. Omega-3 is an essential component for nerve cells in the brain, and it’s recommended to consume fish at least twice a week.

  1. Soy Products

Soy and its derivatives are essential for protein intake. Foods like tofu, dried tofu, soybeans, soy milk, etc., provide tryptophan and tyrosine, adding to the sense of happiness and well-being. Traditional tofu and frozen tofu can also supplement calcium.

  1. Milk

Calcium is not only crucial for bones but also aids muscle relaxation and nerve stability. For those prone to anxiety and tension, a cup of warm milk is an excellent source of calcium. Milk is also rich in tryptophan and vitamin B group, promoting nervous system health.

  1. Spinach

Spinach is rich in magnesium, and vitamins B6 and folic acid contribute to maintaining the normal functioning of the nervous system. Magnesium intake can enhance serotonin and reduce the stress hormone “cortisol,” helping to alleviate restlessness and depression.

  1. Bananas

Bananas can make your mood “magnificent” due to their high magnesium content. Additionally, vitamin B group in bananas stabilizes nerves and reduces fatigue.

  1. Dark Chocolate

Dark chocolate stabilizes emotions with serotonin, and cocoa polyphenols provide antioxidant benefits, promoting brain health. Theobromine in cocoa can elevate mood and has anti-depressive effects, while the high magnesium content contributes to the overall well-being. Opt for dark chocolate with a purity of 70% or more for effective blood sugar control.

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Nonviolent Communication

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Nonviolent Communication

Translated from Column Sharing, Positive Energy, Recruit |Date: 01/06/2020|

In daily life, we often witness tense communication where words are spoken but have little effect. In fact, situations may worsen, and emotions and relationships deteriorate further. In this issue, I’d like to introduce “Nonviolent Communication” (NVC) as a way to enhance relationships with others and oneself.
Nonviolent Communication, abbreviated as NVC, is a communication model founded by American psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg. Its purpose is to enhance interpersonal relationships, self-love, improve communication, reduce verbal violence, and alleviate bullying, ultimately easing self-inflicted pain. While some may find the term “violent communication” exaggerated and think they rarely use it, it actually refers to excessive criticism and judgment towards oneself or others, distorting communication and potentially causing harm. Misuse of violent communication often stems from unmet needs, leading to impulsive emotional outbursts and expressions falling into four categories:

Easily passing moral judgments, e.g., “You’re lazy all your life.”
Making comparisons, e.g., “Others finish the task in no time, and you’re still procrastinating.”
Avoiding responsibility, e.g., “The boss told me to do it; I can’t refuse.”
Imposing undue pressure, e.g., “You contribute little to household expenses, showing no filial piety.”

NVC involves four simple communication steps, emphasizing objectivity and honest acceptance of oneself and others. The four steps are to express your observations, feelings, needs, and requests.

Step One: Observation

When initiating communication, honestly state your observations of the other person’s behavior in a specific time and place, avoiding “judgments.” For example, instead of habitually saying, “You always miss the deadline!” you can say, “The last two reports you submitted were completed two days after the deadline.”

Step Two: Feeling

After expressing objective observations, honestly convey your own feelings, try to understand the other person’s feelings, and show empathy. For instance, “When we submit reports late to our superiors, I feel very anxious.” It’s essential to distinguish feelings as emotions, such as anxiety or sadness, whereas phrases like “I feel you’re wrong” may sound like opinions. Be cautious not to confuse the two!

Step Three: Need

Given that everyone has physiological, love, respect, and safety needs, after understanding each other’s feelings, try to articulate the “needs” behind those feelings, acknowledging mutual requirements. Instead of saying, “You’re so noisy; it annoys me!” which only expresses displeasure, NVC suggests saying, “When you speak loudly, I feel agitated. I need a quiet working environment.”

Step Four: Request

After observing, empathizing with feelings, and affirming needs, make clear requests. For example, express a desire for the other person to prioritize your needs, like submitting reports on time. Simultaneously, be open to fulfilling some of the other person’s needs, such as assisting in writing certain sections. It’s crucial to note that a request is not a command, and when expressing it, respect the other person’s choices.

Authored by Ms. Tsang Mei, Registered Social Worker, The Mental Health Association of Hong Kong

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Ways to promote mental well-being

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Ways to promote mental well-being：

  • Paying attention to physical health, ensuring adequate nutrition, maintaining regular exercise, getting sufficient rest, and eliminating unhealthy habits.
  • Maintaining a positive life perspective with concrete goals and aspirations.
  • Learning to accept both your own and others’ strengths and weaknesses, avoiding excessive criticism or jealousy.
  • Building strong interpersonal relationships, as well as mutual support, understanding, and listening among friends.
  • Communicating with family members to enhance mutual understanding.
  • Adapting to life’s challenges, cultivating interests, and preventing life from becoming dull.
  • Understanding the sources of stress first, and then seek solutions If life is filled with stress.

When you notice issues with your own or your family’s mental well-being, seek assistance from social workers, counselors, clinical psychologists, or psychiatrists.

Source: https://www.mhahk.org.hk/index.php/health/

 

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Female University Student Faces Social Anxiety, Prefers Solitude and Avoids Interactions

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Female University Student Faces Social Anxiety, Prefers Solitude and Avoids Interactions

Translated from Column Sharing, Decoding Mental Health, Hong Kong Economic Times |Date: 30/07/2019|

Ah Yee, 22 years old, has just entered her first year of university.Due to Ah Yee’s less-than-ideal academic performance in high school, she faced several twists and turns,including repeating a year and self-study, ultimately gaining admission to university.Ah Yee perceives herself as an “older student” due to her age compared to her first-year peers.

Being naturally introverted and reserved since childhood, Ah Yee also dealt with weight issues, being somewhat overweight and less agile in her movements since primary school. This made her a target for ridicule and exclusion by classmates, and even in the early years of high school, she lacked close friends. These experiences severely impacted Ah Yee’s self-esteem and confidence. Despite losing some weight now and having one or two friends, she still feels inadequate compared to others.

After entering university, Ah Yee developed a fear of interacting with classmates. In the early days of the new semester, she worried about being perceived as “strange” when in contact with other students. As a result, Ah Yee often wandered alone on campus and refrained from initiating conversations with anyone. During class discussions, her nervousness manifested as trembling hands, a blank mind, and the ability to respond only with simple sentences. These situations left Ah Yee feeling extremely embarrassed.

Gradually, Ah Yee began avoiding situations that required interaction with others. Each time a class involved discussions, she would use the excuse of “leaving the classroom” to skip it. Eventually, she stopped speaking to anyone during her daily commute to school. Feeling that the issue was becoming more severe and concerned about its impact on her academic performance, Ah Yee sought help from the student counseling center. It was then that she learned about her diagnosis of “social anxiety disorder.”

During counseling sessions, the counselor encouraged Ah Yee to appreciate herself more and rebuild her self-confidence. The counselor also advised her to evaluate her social situations with more positive and rational thoughts to reduce anxiety. Ah Yee was encouraged to gradually engage in short interactions with others, step by step, to regain her confidence. After a period of counseling, Ah Yee slowly gained the courage to communicate with her fellow students.

What is Social Anxiety Disorder?

Social anxiety disorder is an emotional condition characterized by persistent fear of social situations. Patients fear making mistakes or causing embarrassment in public, hindering them from engaging in normal social activities, severely impacting their confidence and daily lives. Psychological counseling and medication are commonly used methods to treat Social Anxiety Disorder.

In terms of psychological counseling, “Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy” can systematically help patients reduce their fear of social situations.
In medication treatment, serotonin and anti-anxiety medications have shown significant efficacy in treating social anxiety disorder.

Authored by Dr. Chiang Kuan Hiong, Registered Clinical Psychologist, The Mental Health Association of Hong Kong

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Suicidal Thoughts to Suicide: A Process Not to Be Ignored, the Unspoken Taboo for Families

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Suicidal Thoughts to Suicide: A Process Not to Be Ignored, the Unspoken Taboo for Families

Translated from Column Sharing, Decoding Mental Health, Hong Kong Economic Times |Date: 17/06/2019|

The topic of “suicide” is controversial, and society has previously advocated against media reporting on suicide cases due to the contagious nature of the subject, fearing it might lead to copycat incidents. Research indicates that whenever someone commits suicide, at least six people are affected (Shneidman, 1993). The most immediate impact is on family members, followed by friends, and even those who learn about the event may be emotionally affected.

The transition from having “suicidal ideation” to committing suicide is a process and not an impulsive act. When triggered, individuals may impulsively resort to “doing something foolish.”
For instance, there was a recent incident where a young man in China, facing setbacks in life and criticized by his mother during a car conversation, impulsively drove off a bridge and did not survive. He felt unsupported and didn’t want to continue living. These reckless thoughts and actions don’t happen suddenly! No matter how much his mother may cry in regret, it is too late.

More Listening and Caring

As close relatives, if we pay careful attention to our loved ones, spend a little more time listening, and offer more care and encouragement, tragedies can be prevented. People with suicidal thoughts are often sensitive and self-blaming, so conversations with them should avoid a harsh and critical tone, like saying, “Your actions are foolish, and you can’t be taught.” Parents are encouraged to say NO to “critical teaching.”
If you find that a family member or friend has suicidal thoughts and you choose to avoid the topic, thinking that a simple phrase like “Don’t think too much” solves the person’s problems, it might be considered irresponsible. If you genuinely care, be a good listener, encourage the person to express their problems and feelings, and avoid criticizing them, as you may not fully comprehend their pain. If you don’t feel you’re a good listener, help the person find a more suitable confidant or seek assistance from social workers or counselors.

If signs of depression in the person for two consecutive weeks were noticed, such as:
1. Low mood
2. Insomnia
3. Loss of appetite
4. Lethargy
5. Avoiding people and activities they used to enjoy

Support should be given to them to seek professional assistance, such as psychologists and psychiatrists.

Changing “Suicide” to “Easygoing Life”

“Suicide” is not just an individual problem but a pressing social issue. Hopefully, starting now, each one of us can spend a little more time caring for those around us, and together, we can transform “suicide” into “easygoing life”!
The author, having researched children and adolescents’ emotions and suicidal behavior at the University of Hong Kong for many years, founded a charity along with other volunteers, aiming to put theories into practice and prevent the public from committing suicide.”

*The idea of changing “Suicide” to “Easygoing Life” was provided by the volunteer, David Ho.

Authored by Dr. Wong Po Shan, Committee Member of the Mental Health Association of Hong Kong, Registered Psychologist in the UK and Hong Kong

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